SofaF1

He truely is a bit of a throwback to the playboy drivers of the past I guess.

We are currently in that period of formula one in the year where basically nothing is happening.

The journalists have finished reviewing the season and voting on the best and worst aspects. But the testing of next years cars hasn’t started yet so they can’t talk about next year yet.

It’s a tough one to deal with for them all and they’ve basically gone for one of three options. 1) The proper write ups of non-story rumours that they wouldn’t print in the rest of the year 2) In depth interviews with random back markers who are the only people who are still looking for a job 3) articles about sponsors which really aren’t that thrilling.

Well the way I see it we can do better than this lot. So I hereby lay down the gauntlet. All the replies to this article should be in the vein of one of those types of article, should be funny (or at least an attempt at funny) and completely untrue. Good luck.

This may be one of the craziest stories of the winter season, or it may be the most prophetic. Somehow it doesn’t seem possible, but then something about it rings true: a steady, old hand to guide McLaren through their troubles whilst Alonso gets the hang of things. But, does Alonso really need that? If anything, he may be quite angry at the idea that he needs help from someone.

In other news, the civil war is over. The car manufacturers and the FIA have shaken hands. Did anyone ever really believe the war wasn’t anything other than a bargaining tool anyway?

Browsing through and deleting old text messages on the last train home last night, I had an entertaining time trying to guess what races certain messages between Alex and me referred to, and I thought it would be almost as entertaining to post some here for other people to guess. Here are four, classically vague, examples:

1. surely he can’t have done it deliberately?

2. Indeed. I watched it live. Bad luck for kimi. I did really think they might swap schu and massa. James seemed more annoying than usual and excited. Weird.

3. how bad are those michelins?

4. I’ve finally caught up with events. I do like it when Michael wins.

Alonso has recently talked of his feelings during this year’s championship, evocatively comparing Ferrari and Michael Schumacher to a wolf hunting him down. In the end, he said, the good guys won. Now, I think Alonso is a pretty great driver, but I do have a few problems with him. One of them is this righteous attitude he seems to have. It came out over the mass-damper affair, and especially after his penalty in Monza. In truth, I found it a little annoying, his under-dog, martyr-like, stance. He seemed to be whining a bit much for a Grand Prix driver. This is especially so when you look at the facts: all those incidents did was to level the playing field. Michael never went ahead on the points table. Ferrari were never given the lead in any way, all that happened was Alonso’s was cut. Then, the only reason Alonso won was due to Ferrari’s failures in the last two races. To say that Renault ‘deserved’ to win is really quite silly. Still, when you think about it, Alonso’s only 25…

Valentino Rossi starting the last Grand Prix of the Motogp season on pole, 8 points ahead of his rival Hayden, simply had to finish with some points (not many) to win his eighth world championship title. But, he got a bad start and, on lap 5, had an unforced error in turn 2 and fell off his bike.

Is there something unlucky about winning 8 world titles? Rossi hardly ever, ever makes mistakes like that, but there it was. He tried his hardest to climb back through the pack but it was never going to be enough. Hayden won the championship with 5 points in hand. Rossi finished 13th…

But, the important difference between Michael and Rossi is that Rossi is only 27, and obviously not retiring. He could win an 8th motorbike championship next year, then move to F1 and win 8 more before getting to Michael’s age. Incredible.

Although over the last few years I have been critical of Jenson Button and so has Bernie so I haven’t been completely off beam I have started over the last few months to become interested in him again.

Perhaps it was the maiden win I thought, perhaps it was the new swagger with which he walks around the paddock, perhaps it was the new beard. Something was definately up with Jenson Button.

I decided to have a think about it so I took the available facts out for a swift pint and together we tried to figure out what it was that my gut was trying to tell me.

Sure I thought there’s Jenson’s much talked about smooth style the catches out even the most adamant Jenson denyer from time to time on a hot qualifying lap. But that wasn’t it. That’s not really changed over the years. It’s always been there and it’s always been something that I felt hasn’t been backed up by a commitment from Jenson to put the work in to maximise it. But then I was as suprised as anyone to discover at the begining of the season that it was Jenson rather than Michael who had done the most winter testing out of the drivers.

But that was at the begining of the season and this was now. Was I sure that I wasn’t just thinking about the maiden win? A single win despite the hype isn’t really the thing that opens the floodgates. Most often the serious big players will win early and then simply go on early. I’d often thought in the past that Jenson might only win one race in his career. And even then I felt I was being generous.

So what has changed? As the season has gone on it has become clear that this year is the end of an F1 era. And not really just because Michael has left the sport. The biggest changes will be because next year we have gigantic rules changes. Involving tires and engines and the teams will have to be really strong to adapt to these.

But at the big teams are also changing this year. Not only the drivers line ups with Alonso going to MaLaren and Kimi to Ferrari. We also have no Ross Brawn at Ferrari and no Adrian Newey at MaLaren (although Adrian left some time ago next years car will be the first he didn’t design).

And although Renault might be able to produce a fast car next year you have to ask if Fisi is the best man to pilot it.

So what Honda have is consistency during the current turmoil. And this might be a hidden strength for the team next year. They have actually proved this year that they can adapt to things quite quickly. It was only a few races ago that Jenson was complaining about their very poor starts and already a change has happened. In fact his awesome start was a large part of how he managed to move from 14th to 3rd in Brazil.

But that’s not just it. Ferrari know how to win, or at least they think they do. And so when Kimi arrives it will be hard to see his differences to Michael as being advantages. They may see the thousand little ways in which he is different as shortcomings. And in this way the team will no longer be built around the driver. It will be a team but a team like any other. McLaren will be the same for Alonso because McLaren is already designed around one person. But that person isn’t a driver – that person is Ron Dennis.

But the Honda engineers love Jenson. They loved the win he gave them. They love the way he goes testing. And they have loved him since he paid his own money to Frank Williams to not have to go to Williams. A move that seems to have been very smart now (just ask Mark Webber).

And with a long term contract in his pocket and with Rubens Barrichello as super second team mate I suddenly realised what it was that I’d been thinking about Jenson Button. He’s actually trying to be Michael Schumacher. I wonder if something that audacious could actually work?

What could have been? Two technical faliures in a row.

Crazy prediction for the race. Alonso crashes in the pack on the first corner tomorrow and Michael catches up to Massa and then Massa reluctantly moves over on the final lap to hand the victory to Michael so his final championship would be won but controvesially.

Engine Homologation. Does anyone think it’s a good idea? The most significant point, for me at least, is that engine homolgation, along with the single control tyre, will make Formula 1 essentially a chassis formula next year. This is a very sad thing. F1 needs to be driven at every level to be the fastest it can be. Perhaps two thirds of what makes a car go fast will now be static in development.

Formula 1 has, though, always been a balance between the natural and the artificial, the man and the machine. There have always been limits. When the balance is right the casual viewer doesn’t notice the artificial. But the sport also can’t be as wasteful and as expensive as it is at the moment. There doesn’t seem to be any solution to this problem.

Or, at least, not yet. The influx of manufacturers is both a good and a bad thing, but I believe, with Schumacher’s retirement, we may now see the beginning of the end for them. It may take maybe five years or more, but without such a figure as him in the sport, that perhaps attracted them in the first place, they’ll begin to lose interest. I’m not saying this will solve the problem, but it may make a solution easier to find. We need drivers and mechanics striving to go faster, and having the rules relaxed enough to let them.

Michael will retire on Sunday. What’s your best and worst memory of him?

I’ll add my comment but I’d like to first up add Patrick Head’s comment which I thought was particularly pertinent.

I was very impressed I have to say when I was in England I watched the race in Japan at six o’clock in the morning and when the race finished, whenever it was, at a quarter to eight, I was so impressed to see him go round all of the Ferrari team in the garage and walk across to the pit wall and I think to myself we have had many drivers who have been world champions, but I cant think of one of them who would have done that.

And I think that aspect of Michael is the aspect that makes him a team builder or a team creator. As Ross says, when he comes to the factory, he doesn’t decide how the car should be designed, but he is quite clearly an inspiration to those around him.